I Took the Crazy Pills and I Like ‘Em

13 Jan

Friday the 13th:

Scheduled: 3 mile easy

Actual: 5.03 miles, 41:08, avg 8:11/m

Wake up time: 5:41 am

My Alarm: Totally badass way to wake up

Sunrise: Too slow to catch me

Music: Daft Punk, Celldweller

I realized this morning that I have, in this process of rebuilding myself, truly become 2 things I never ever thought I would be. My old self even went so far as to loudly proclaim anyone who was either of these things (let alone both) as being irretrievably insane while shaking my head in bewilderment and pity. I m ay have been right about the crazy part….but here I stand.

The first is a distance runner. I truly LOVE running now and really…yes….even love long runs. As painful as the slogging was at the beginning and as much as looking at those milage goal numbers makes you tired sometimes, the feeling of finishing a good solid long run is unbeatable. Even on the days I have a “bad run” or don’t meet my goal, etc, just being outside running is enjoyable for itself now, almost meditative in an energetic, muscle-burning sort of way, and I look forward to it. That is MY TIME. Just me and my Garmin and my music. Don’t bother me, don’t call me, I’m unavailable. I felt like a running snob earlier in the week because I got through a 5k run and scoffed because I ONLY ran 3 miles. PSHT. That barely even counts for crap’s sakes! Uh, no. That counts. I’m just a crazy distance runner now.

I had a pretty bad day yesterday. Was in a funk I couldn’t shake and kept getting tripped up and spun around. I realized last night that it was because I hadn’t been able to run at all that week and went 2 days without working out AT ALL and that made me crabby and off. The workload for school is pretty intense, so I was up early in the morning every day watching class lectures while glancing longingly out the front window as the sun came up just wishing I was out pounding the pavement instead of warming my computer chair. You’d think there was free ponies out there or something. I was even calculating how many miles I could have run by now if I had gone out. I am definitely a runner.

The second thing is a morning person. My alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. I hit the snooze…but that’s only because the snooze is huge and the off is tiny. I sat up, took a few minutes to wake up and turn on a light and send a few texts, but I was out of bed stretching by 5:45 and was EXCITED about my run. Self vehemently proclaims that I should not be excited about ANYTHING that early in the morning, let alone athletically demanding activities, and yet, there I was. I don’t listen to her much any more. I was stretching my hips, singing and tapping my hands on the floor to the song stuck in my head and being exactly that chippery nutbag I would have strangled 6 months ago. You can actually go back through my posts and see the documented evidence of me saying morning is terrible and morning people are freaks.

Well…..freaks, I need a membership badge now. I’ll bring the bagels to the meeting. I will go to bed early or skimp on sleep so I can get up pre-dawn and have my me-time walk or run. It’s quiet in a way that even late night is not and it is the time of day that is just for me. Almost no one is awake yet to bug me and nothing bad has happened in the day yet. There is something about the fact that I fucking got up and ran 5 miles before the sun came up that makes me feel bad ass and awesome, no matter if the rest of the day is a total bust. On the days I don’t run, I just take my tea and go for a long walk and think. It’s incredibly peaceful and therapeutic. Usually I get home just as the sun is peeking over the trees and just sit in the driveway and drink my tea and watch it.

I like this new me. She’s still cynical, jaded and sarcastic, but she’s WAY more positive and centered and she’s out to get shit done. No whining, more laughing. Unmitigated awesome all around.

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