‘What D’ya Hear, Starbuck?’ ‘Nothin’ But the Rain, Sir.’

17 Oct

Scheduled: Nonexistant

Actual: 3.52 miles, 30:26, Average: 8:39/mile

Normally I would start with stats and figures leading up to the race. But the race is over. And I am still here. I’m still standing. Barely, but I’m still here. The last few weeks have been intensely confusing and painful, but I am still here and I’m looking to refocus on what’s ahead.

Took a week totally off and went to Portland to visit some friends. Ran up and down mountains and hills and did WAY better than I thought I could. apparently the training has been pretty effective. The temperature was also a really nice break. Running in 50 degree weather is infinitely easier than running in 80 degree weather. Looking forward to moving somewhere that has nicer weather in the next few years. I enjoyed Portland, but I don’t think it’s going to be my next home. I realized that what I really want, what I’m really nostalgic for is the Northeast. Real autumn with tons of red and yellow leaves, apple picking and pumpkins, lots of snow in the winter, flowers in the spring and thick grass and lightning bugs in the summer.

I am still entertaining the idea of another half at Thanksgiving in the back of my mind, but that would mean I need to start shifting my runs to early in the morning right quick so I have a possibility of waking up for the 6:15am start time. I think we are truly aiming for another half the first weekend in March of 2012. At that race I’m aiming to break the 2:00:00 mark for time. Right now I think I’m looking to get back into weight lifting and doing a variety of things for workouts. I want to get STRONG again and work on getting faster. I will of course still include running, but I also want to swim and spin and do yoga and lift, perhaps martial arts. We will see.

I am looking into joining a local running club to get me out of the house, run some new routes, prevent me from moping and wallowing and meet some other runners. Maybe find a running buddy locally so I don’t have to be so paranoid about going out and where my pepper spray is. It’s funny how I would go out running by myself without pepper spray, GPS, phone or a second thought when there was someone waiting for me at home, but now that I’m ALONE in the house and on my own, I worry about everything and it’s suddenly pretty scary. If I go out late, there’s nobody to watch me on Glympse or to know if I don’t come home and come looking for me. This is a lot of why I want to get back into martial arts. Learn how to protect myself.

That may be partly why my “easy, goal free” run last night was as quick as it was. I wasn’t pushing myself really, just had a lot of emotions to burn off after the finality of the day sunk in and I was standing alone in the house fighting a panic attack. Went out the door and got my legs moving so I wouldn’t think about it.

I had intended to go farther, but the fact that I hadn’t slept really at all the night before and hadn’t eaten enough made my legs tire out quick. Also had my hip/inner thigh/inner knee start hurting again when I was closing in on 3 miles. Think I need to get the foam roller on it. It didn’t bother me at all in Portland and I did a bit over 3 miles on hills up there, but the pace was also much easier there and I was better rested. I may wind up going to see a doctor about it since rest didn’t seem to fix the problem.

Got home and showered and then just standing in the empty house by myself the anxiety started to creep back in and I started to freak out a little. And then more. And then more. Had to pop one of the pills the dr gave me last time I was there and try to talk myself down while it kicked in. I’m not good at it, apparently. I really hope I learn to get a handle on the panic attacks by myself soon. They are intense and not fun.

I will keep writing this blog and I promise the next one will be a concerted effort to get back to the lighthearted training log I intended when I started this and focus on what’s ahead, rather than on my insecurities and life drama. There will be more running and adventures to come and I hope this will keep me on track and keep me focused on my fitness goals so I don’t let all the work I’ve done go by the wayside.

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2 Responses to “‘What D’ya Hear, Starbuck?’ ‘Nothin’ But the Rain, Sir.’”

  1. brittanynickles October 17, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    🙂 It’s good to see you back! I vote we definitely do March run! I did a 5k Friday and want to hopefully get a 5k in once a month (in theory). Then, maybe a 10 k. Then, just keep going from there! I definitely want to keep running the big races because a 5k just seems like a silly thing to get all hyped up about.

    PS, saw a t-shirt that made me think of you. “A half-marathon is just a 5K with a ten-mile warm up”

    • kellybee322 October 17, 2011 at 5:41 pm #

      YES! That’s why I’m considering the Thanksgiving half. Keep me moving and running. Doing a 5k in a couple weeks too. And yea, I agree. 5Ks seem like a trip to the store or something rather than a big race.
      That’s what I was telling myself when I hit 10 miles!! Only 5k left. ONLY 5k. Keep going!!

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